‘Once upon a time’ a girl met a boy and they lived ‘Happily ever after’. These 2 phrases have become very influential in our culture today. They are in books and movies. As little girls we are surrounded by glamorous fairy tales, princess stories, and the illusion of sweet Cinderella marrying her Prince Charming. Cinderella could never deflate and discourage her husband, right? Or Snow White? They are sweet and charming and sing to the birdies. Which is exactly how our marriages are, right?

We grow and get married and our marriages begin to look very different from what we imagined. We stop (or never started) ‘building up’ and inflating our spouse with words of love and encouragement. Our words or attitudes begin to deflate our spouse instead of fill our lovers with encouragement. As women we have a very strong power over our husbands. We in essence ‘make or break them’. We have all the power to build them up and make a boy into a man or deflate them and make a man into boy.

Lets face it: women can be scary. We are moody, we can have ‘glares’ that can kill a wild beast, we can nag nag nag until we get what we want done and for the most part we are not good at building up our husbands (unless we make it a priority).  And to be honest, our culture shows us that our negative attitude is okay. On t.v shows the women usually wear the pants and direct their ‘dunce’ husbands. Shows like Everybody Love Raymond are funny but do destruction at the same time.

Building up my husband is something I need to constantly work on. I can tend to be a women who is discontent and complains. A complaining spirit is hard to live with. A nagging spirit is hard to live with. A fearful spirit is hard to live with. An angry spirit is hard to live with. We need to be women who are not characterized by the world’s attitudes. We need to be women characterized by Christ, building up our husbands and setting them up for the success to overcome anything. A weak women can manipulate, nag, hate, get angry, and discourage her husband but it takes a strong women to build up and love her husband and work with him no matter how she feels about him. Why? Its easy to follow the flesh. Its much harder to be a godly women when our flesh says no.


Let me say this from personal experience; Don’t let any bitterness start. If your husband is not the man you want him to be, give him over to God. You can’t change him. If you tend to lean towards an attitude of complaining and nagging ask the Lord to show you how to change.  I am constantly needing to do this to set my husband up for a life of success. Not necessarily the success of this world but the success of a happy home, functioning as it should.


Ask the Lord if you are a wife who deflates your husband or inflates and builds him up.


“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.”- Prov 21: 19

“It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.”- Prov 25:24

“A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike…”- Prov 27:15



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